Realistic dreams
by Kanan
Summary: Tsuzuki hasn't been himself lately. He is always tired, quiet, and he keeps coming to work with cuts and such. Dreams are supposed to be save places, but what if that isn't the case with our beloved shinigami?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Yami no Matsuei, and it hurts so much! Whaaa! Okay, anyway, on with the story! Yay!

Hisoka: That was SO lame…

Kanan: Oh, I knew you would say that, honey! –huggles-

Hisoka: -blushes-

Realistic Dreams

The signs weren't obvious at first.

He seemed chipper as always, munching on a cookie or a slice of cake, or complaining about work and a mean Tatsumi. Nothing really unusual. But then, he grew far quieter and solitary all of a sudden. Dark circles hung below his eyes and he didn't talk as much as usual. Hisoka noticed that his eating habits had not changed, but he decided to keep an eye on him, nevertheless.

Hisoka got to work even earlier than usual, and was the very first in the line for sweets. As the line moved along, the boy received a lot of surprised looks to see the "sugar hater" there so early, or even there at all. He took what he was given and just before leaving, he turned to face the startled faces with a small blush staining his cheeks.

"They're for my partner."

Whether he had convinced them, he didn't care, and he carried the sweets back to his and Tsuzuki's shared office, setting them on the other's desk. It was still very early, and he didn't quite feel like going to his own desk to get a head start on his work, so he rounded Tsuzuki's desk and sat in the chair. He spun it around a few times, getting a feel for it, but stopped once he felt queasy. It wasn't more or less comfortable than his own chair, but the fact that it belonged to his older, taller partner made him feel slightly small sitting in it. He wondered to himself how the older man could stand to fall asleep there. He decided to investigate. So, he tilted the chair back a bit, or in his case, a lot, since he was smaller, until he could put his legs atop the desk, minding the sweets. It wasn't comfortable at all. As soon as he was able, he got his feet back down. It was silly, but he noticed how his feet barely reached the floor. He had watched Tsuzuki sit in the chair was it was perfect.

With a sigh, Hisoka abandoned the thought and settled for staring at the drawers on the desk. There were five drawers. He counted again, this time aloud, and again after that. He was getting tired of that game, and though he knew it wasn't right, he opened the long, thin, top drawer. Inside were a large assortment of pens and pencils. He was always bugging Tatsumi about needing some, so, Hisoka guessed, the secretary had given in and bought him a bunch. He closed that drawer and opened the top drawer to the right. There were a lot of papers in there, and a ruler, a calculator and things of that nature. He closed that one and opened the next two down, which held items related to work, and finally, he was at the last one. It was deeper than the other drawers, and he tried to guess what was in it. He was wrong. He figured it would be a stack of coupons for sweets, but instead, he found a first aid kit, and a picture of their whole group from their last vacation together in the Hot Springs. Though he was practically being glomped by the Hokkaido girls, Hisoka had to smile at the picture.

"I enjoyed that vacation, a lot. We should go back real soon, ne, Hisoka?"

The boy jumped. He hadn't expected Tsuzuki to be standing by the door, smiling at him, however tired his smile looked. Hisoka could feel a blush rising to his cheeks as he quickly put the picture back and rose from the chair. He stood perfectly still as the man stared. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of silence, Tsuzuki laughed.

"I-I'm sorry I was snooping around in your desk, Tsuzuki!"

"Don't worry about it. You would have found that picture eventually."

"Um, right. But, why hide it?"

"Well, I thought you would get embarrassed if I kept it out for the whole world to see!"

"O-oh… thank you."

Tsuzuki smiled, and that was when Hisoka remembered the sweets, and saw that Tsuzuki had just discovered them, also. The man's face lit up a little.

"Oh, are these for me?"

"Um, yes. I got here early to get them for you."

"Thanks!"

Hisoka held out a cookie, and when Tsuzuki reached out to take it, the boy caught the sight of a bandage on his partner's hand. That was another bad sign. Lately, the man had been showing up to work with tiny cuts or bruises. He tried to hide them, but Hisoka always noticed.

"Did you get another injury, Tsuzuki?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I was so tired, I fell down the stairs this morning! Haha… silly me! It's nothing serious, though."

Something about that excuse didn't seem truthful, but give the man's sleepy attitude, Hisoka didn't doubt that it was possible. He finally handed over the sweet, after staring at the bandage again, and Tsuzuki started to eat. Something wasn't right, but Tsuzuki wasn't talking. Either way, Hisoka would figure out the secret.


	2. Chapter 2

Another day, another injury, and another lecture about the budget from Tatsumi. This time, Tsuzuki stood absolutely quiet as Tatsumi let out his frustrations on the man, who seemed not to be paying any attention. Tsuzuki stood lopsided and stared out into space. The exhaustion was far clearer than it has been earlier, as the man's head lolled up and down occasionally, almost like he was agreeing with the elder man. Hisoka watched, as the man didn't notice when Tatsumi had stopped lecturing and had started to stare at his blank expression, concerned.

"Tsuzuki? Hey, are you feeling okay?"

Tatsumi reached out his hand to touch the man's arm, but before it made it that far, Tsuzuki collapsed against the secretary. Hisoka ran to them as Tatsumi hoisted his partner up and started to carry him down the hall.

They went to get Watari, and the two of them followed Tatsumi to Tsuzuki's apartment. The doctor, of sorts, locked the other two out of the bedroom, and went to work trying to discover why the man had collapsed. Hisoka wasn't nearly as calm as the other, as he paced back and forth continually, almost cutting a path into the carpet.

"They're taking too long…"

"Calm down, Kurosaki. I'm sure Watari is taking good care of your partner."

Hisoka was about to protest, but the stare Tatsumi was pinning him with was strong, and got the boy to sit next to him on the couch. After a moment or two of silent waiting, Hisoka let a yawn escape and Tatsumi pulled the boy down slightly to lie on his lap. It wasn't too long after when Watari quietly left the confines of Tsuzuki's room and quietly padded to the living room. Tatsumi looked up and saw the sad look upon his friend's face; but it did seem to cheer up, seeing the boy soundly asleep there. They stayed for a while, but eventually left, leaving Hisoka asleep on the couch and Tsuzuki in his room.

The wind pounded outside and the rain against the roof above him. Hisoka Kurosaki stirred in his sleep, unable to stop the images of thrown sticks and stones and glass bottles from filtering into his dreams. He knew he had seen this image before, but he couldn't remember where. The dream felt so real, and he could feel the rocks cut into his skin, and he felt as his arms and legs scraped against the rocky ground. He could hardly move, but he managed to turn over onto his back. There stood a group of kids. One of them got close, holding a club over him, about to hit him in the chest. Suddenly, Hisoka gasped, as he looked into the reflection in the kid's eyes, and saw…

Jolting awake, Hisoka tried to grasp reality.

"Tsuzuki!"


	3. Chapter 3

Hisoka's heart was beating faster than his mind could process what his dream had shown him. At first, he thought it was just a nightmare, but then he remembered… he had seen that event before, and he knew exactly who was taking the brunt of the attacks by those faceless kids. He stumbled around the couch and almost fell over a chair on his way to his partner's room. He could hear the dream all over again, and he couldn't stand it… because it wasn't just a dream. Tsuzuki was shrieking out in his unconscious state of unrest, as though he was actually being hit.

Hisoka finally made it to the man's room, but he fumbled with the doorknob. The sounds coming from the room were driving him crazy. His empathy was working, and he couldn't keep a shield up for long. He hit the door and yelled for Tsuzuki, and after that, he heard the man quiet down, and he was able to open the door. Stepping inside, he thought he was ready for it, but seeing his strong, proud partner curled up in the fetal position under his bed covers, sobbing… it broke the kid's heart. His body was numb, and his mind, too. He felt weak and tired, but slowly, he trudged to the side of the bed. That's as far as he could go for the longest time.

He was a foot from the bed… only twelve inches from the man who needed comfort more than he ever had… and Hisoka couldn't even blink. He couldn't speak, and he couldn't think, and he couldn't move an inch. All he could do was stand there, twelve inches from a broken man. The more he watched, the more his heart twisted in his chest.

Kill me… 

He stood there, trying to find a way that he could comfort his friend, and Tsuzuki just kept crying. The tears left long trails on his cheeks, and then were covered up by other tears.

Please… kill me now… don't torture me like this…! God, please… 

Taking a deep breath, Hisoka managed to take a step towards the bed. As he walked, he yelled at himself. Even if he made it to the man's side, he didn't know how to comfort anyone! Not once had he ever been comforted by family, before… The only one who had ever managed, or even cared to help him was… the broken, sobbing man before him. But… he needed it, and if it would help just to be with him… that would be good.

The bed fell only a bit as Hisoka sat on the edge, and leaned over his partner's shaking form. He reached his hand out over Tsuzuki's shoulder and paused, before setting it down. Tsuzuki jumped slightly, and after a moment, he looked up. There were dark circles under his eyes and tears still draining over his cheeks.

"Hisoka…"

Not knowing what else to do, Hisoka ran his hand over the man's arm and looked into his eyes, sympathetically. It hurt, more than Tsuzuki would ever know, not having empathy, but it seemed to be helping. That's what Hisoka thought, at least, before his partner's face crinkled and he collapsed against the smaller boy, almost knocking him off the bed. He was crying again, but this time, Hisoka could tell it was only because he needed to get it out. So, the boy let him cry as much as he wanted. As he did so, Hisoka gently rubbed his back. When he was done, Tsuzuki sniffled and sat up a little.

"I-I'm sorry… I just couldn't…"

"You don't need to apologize… I understand it all. No… you don't, Hisoka…"

There was a guilty look on the man's face that Hisoka just couldn't figure out. Tsuzuki was trying to tell him something, but then, why was he keeping his shields up? Then, Hisoka noticed that Tsuzuki was holding the front of his shirt, suspiciously. Hisoka pushed the man into a sitting position against the headboard and urged the man to move his arms. He did so, not even trying to put up a fight. Moving aside the open shirt, Hisoka gasped. Dark, purple bruise lay upon his chest. It was in exactly the same spot as…

"This… has happened ever since my dreams started…"

"T-Tsuzuki… what?-"

"They beat me up so badly that time… those kids… chased me a long way from home, and they just wouldn't stop."

"So these wounds you've been getting…"

Tsuzuki nodded his head.

"But how? Dreams can't hurt you, Tsuzuki, and yet…"

His dreams were becoming real… as real as they had been in his youth. But… how!


End file.
